neuroscience, brain, psychology

Who calls you on your bullsh*t?

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Last week I was talking with my health coach Jo Gamble and during our conversation she totally called me on my bullsh*t!

I don’t know if you’ve ever had that situation?   Someone who tells you the truth when you’re not telling it to yourself.

During the conversation I shared with Jo the reasons why I wasn’t enjoying the full health and vitality that I’m striving for.  In my head the reasons were genuine and the story I was telling myself was the truth and reality.

But Jo could spot it a mile off.  The story I was telling myself wasn’t actually reality or truth but bullsh*t.  And she called me on it……in a kind and compassionate way.  It was powerful and exactly what I needed to jolt me out of it.

It’s vital to have people like Jo in our lives because we have a human mind.

Our mind has the ability to do incredible things but it also can trip us up along the way.

It can be our best friend or our worst enemy

It’s powerful but also a bit tricky

It’s wired for our survival based on a design that is tens of thousands (if not hundreds of thousands) of years old.  How our brain works is based on our evolution, our biology and our conditioning.  As a result it sometimes doesn’t work in our favour.

And often we can’t see when it’s not working in our favour.  That’s when we need people like Jo in our lives that can give us some accuracy and truth.  Basically to be our bullsh*t detectors.

That’s where coaching can be so powerful.  Part of the role of a coach is to help you to reflect on the story you’re telling yourself.  To question whether the truth is the actual truth, or just your version of the truth. 

When we tell ourselves:

  • “This is just the way it is”
  • “It wouldn’t work for me”
  • “I’m not……..” experienced enough, or old enough, or young enough, or slim enough, or confident enough (whatever your version of not being enough is!)
  • “I don’t have enough…….”  time, or money, or education, or qualifications (whatever your version of not enough resources is!)
  • “It has to be done this way”

A coach will kindly, compassionately but honestly help you see your own bullsh*t.  The stories, beliefs and projections that we put out into the world that actually stop us from having the kind of life that we want.  They’re the things that keep us stuck or believing that we don’t have any choice.

Calling out the bullsh*t is often called tough love and it’s just that.  It’s tough sometimes to see our own bullsh*t but it’s an incredibly loving thing for someone to do…..if done in the right way.  Because the truth will set you free and allow you to make choices from a fully conscious place.

That’s exactly what Jo did for me and it was transformational.  It made me stop in my tracks and reassess what was really getting in my way.  With that knowledge I’ve made some small but powerful changes.  And it’s stopped me making a very poor decision.

In coaching we talk about having backbone and heart (thanks to Mary Beth O’Neil).  When I’m working with my clients this is exactly what I bring.   My heart to encourage and support, and my strong backbone to speak the truth and challenge when needed.    Not to mention my psychological training helps me to spot the subtle nuances of how our minds can play naughty tricks on us.

I hope you’ve got some people in your life that can call you on your bulls*t in a helpful way.  If you have, then treasure them.  They’re like gold dust.   If you don’t, I would encourage you to seek them out.  They might be the key to helping ensure you live the life you really want.

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